luni, 8 ianuarie 2018

Notițe XXXVII

Vreau să mă bag cu tine în cadă.
Vreau sa-mi întinzi pielea de pe spate,
pentru că m-am strâns cu zilele
de la stomac
vreau să dai drumul la robinet
și să punem dopul
cel puțin pentru o oră
apa va fi caldă
iar eu o să uit cât e ceasul
la lumina becului de spital
așa m-am născut
și așa am să mor
în apă caldă
și un om care mi-e drag.

Werewolf

I recognize a full moon with my windows closed
I can hear it
Even when my mind is asleep, my body listens
With my bones I can feel its cold
They get stone hard and fall inside
Bright white
And so heavy they hurt
That's how I know it starts
The last phase, the full face
Of a lady I used to know
From the books of my childhood.
Now she stares blankly in the sky,
She is my phantom in disguise;
Nobody knows the two of us have known each other
We are like old lovers
And she climbs up there to haunt me
Because I've grown old
And forgot how to talk to her
Now we sit in silence, but I understand
The time of love is long forgotten, but undead.

Vreau sa imbatranim

Nu credeam ca va veni timpul
Pentru a grabi timpul.
Ai venit si ai zis ca te-ai saturat
Sa fii tanar nu e ce ai sperat
E prea obositor, si nu ai fost facut pentru asta
Tu esti ori pentru a trai in trecut, ori in viitor
Asa ca te-ai intors la o amintire
Si i-ai spus "hai sa imbatranim acum
Si sa ne tinem ca doi betegi
Care se uita pe geam la peisaj
Din fotoliile care se leagana
Asta e tot ce am vrut, sa fiu leganat
Fara sa trebuiasca sa ma mai gandesc
Ca nu sunt tot ce au vrut ei sa fiu
Sau tot ce eu am sperat
Socoteala de acasa nu se potriveste cu cea din targ
Timpul tineretii nu e pentru mine
Vreau sa ma intorc cu tine
Cand eram fericit
Si, ca un batran, sa ma strang.

Flatline

She says to the man "get out"
and he asks "are you sure"
yes, she is.
I want to be left alone
I have never wanted this
but now I do, and now I understand
the beauty.
Her brain is dead
and it's no sorrow in this feeling
only a peaceful flatline.
She has no wish for pleasantries
no need for goodbye
just an ache for silence.
She pets her cat
how she loves her
after all this time - it's funny
the only one with whom she can sit in the dark
push or hold, throw without arguments
with no need for further reconciliation
she just knows she can call it back whenever she wants
and stay with completely silent
almost as part of the scenery
they are both completely still, and a bit dumb
when the night comes
and the feeling is numb. 

marți, 2 ianuarie 2018

Burials

Jenny Hval photo

I am going to live peacefully now.
My friend once told me
All those that don't look for you
Must be left behind, in time,
Put flowers to their graves once
And never visited again.
So I stopped being always
The first to ask her "how are you?"
Weeks have passed,
but she never came,
I've kept waiting and wondering why
So I left her a message
And never looked behind.
Nothing is irreplaceable,
My dear one once said
Nothing is needed,
But everything is desired.
I left that one chasing rabbits
And, when new year came,
he forgot to look home for me
so I locked the door past midnight
and left him out.
I will stick to my hunger for now
A fasting
For I am still mourning
The fresh death
Of all that was me, not needed,
So I left behind.

Happiness

Happiness is a thing that grows. 
There was a time when you used to grow things
You liked to take your time
to get to know
a body like you do with lands
learning and drawing all its maps
but you no longer like time, you fear it.
You must have everything now, and it must be cheap
colorful and bright
satisfying, and quick.
Nothing leaves a good aftertaste anymore
and nothing lasts.
Pleasure only asks for more pleasure
you get wasted no matter the time of day
nor the packaging in which it comes, as long as it's right there
reachable, in a market shelf next to your hand
without needing to talk to it, argue or understand;
you take women like you take your meat,
both pleasing you below the belly;
you take your coke and you take your weed
you take your cigarettes and then remember you have to feed
the taste of junk food asks for soda and Popsicle water
to wash the burn
after all this nonsense, but you never learn.
What is left in the morning?
besides a pain in the stomach, and no heart towards to torn.
I had wished to take you as my friend
I had wished you a world of love
a family, things that grow.
A lifetime of happiness
but you hate time
so you choose life, little cricket.
While the ant stands the test of time
and builds happiness
for herself and her kind.

luni, 1 ianuarie 2018

Love

Love grows out of me like hair
There's nothing you can do to stop it from growing
It is true it hurts when they cut it off
And it is true it has been short
And falling lately
But it is there, and it is soft,
And it will never stop, only change colors if it may
As does my love for you
Always different, always present.

I wish I were bald
Then the sun would shine onto my skin clearly
No beautiful words
No cheatings
And I could see the world for what it is
But then I would be dead.
My hairs are what I refused to forget
They are filled with smells, they carry time
And I keep them dead like photographs
Stuck with duct tape in my diaries. 

duminică, 31 decembrie 2017

Notite XXXVI

- Pot să îți mulțumesc că ai fost cu mine?
- Pot să fac la fel?

sâmbătă, 23 decembrie 2017

Spoiled

I've been fed too much for too long , you've taught me spoiled
Now I have bad manners
Whenever I'm with a guy I tell him to let me hold his hand
When we go to sleep
I tell him to let me hold his hand. I don't ask him.
You've spoiled me too much. Now it's winter and I am hungry
There is no more meat on the streets
And I am used to golden tissue
On the scalp of a man
I believe in curly hair and tall spines
Large hands and white skin are my religion
And your smile, ah, your smile
I pray to it everynight
But you are like Jesus
Never coming back again.
I can't turn this poor water into wine
And I can't thrill in the flesh of other people
It's your bones I look for in the dark
It is your smell I want to wear on my sheet
When I wake up, I want to be in heaven
A proper heaven, just like you've taught me
We can't just have traditional food
And watch TV shows on New Year's Eve like everybody else
We won't settle for the food our parents left us
We'll go out in the snow and buy KFC and pizza from Jerry's
Full of cheese like I want it
And watch Adam's family on the sofa with lots of ketchup on our hands
While the cat eats in her green plate below your foot, and this is how a family looks like
At least this is how you've taught me
Spoiled.
I want your hand when I go to sleep
Your hand full of ketchup 
And I'm not asking.
chacoco

Godkiller

You're the only thing I let in that could put me in the grave.

Every day I work at myself, so that can't be true anymore
Or possible.
Either way, I live in fear
Fear that one day you'll come back and ask for what is rightfully yours
That which I promised you, my heart.
So this is why I work so hard
So that it is no longer yours to ask for
So that if you ever try to take anything else from me
I can say I changed.
All the furniture in the house - it'll be gone.
But right now, I don't have the money for something new.